"L" is for the way you look at me

So it seems that I have crossed into the phase of life where more and more of my peers are starting to tie the knot. A friend told me that up until she reached the magical age of 25, life was good. Then, all of the sudden, marriage popped in her head. Babies. She still isn't sure that all of it is what she wants right now, but a good chunk of her now mid-20's friends are taking that route.

Growing up I always just assumed I would get married. It was just the thing to do. I love the idea of finding someone who clicks with you. Who gets you, and ultimatly helps you to be your happiest, best you. I know it can never be a 24/7 thing, but a majority of the time would be nice! But then I wonder, why do we need someone to help us be happy? Why can't we make ourselves happy? There is so much talk of soul mates, our other halves. Everyone wants to be "completed" by someone else. I think some of it comes from our fear of loneliness. Is this need for companionship a human need, or a desire driven by social stigma? Who doesn't fear becoming the old cat lady??

I just finished reading a book called Eat, Pray, Love. This woman went through a nasty divorce and left the country to find out what was going on in her life and to try make sense of it. While she was in India she met a man from Texas. During one of their conversations about her lost love, he had a really good insight:

People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that’s holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah, to painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave. And thank God for it. Your problem is, you just can’t let this one go. It’s over, Groceries. David’s purpose was to shake you up, drive you out of that marriage that you needed to leave, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light could get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you had to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master and beat it. That was his job, and he did great, but now it’s over.

So in a way, our soul mates do complete us. They help us to find out who we are and what we are made of, but it doesn't necessarily mean that they will be with us in a physical form forever. This whole take on things makes me wonder, then, what is so big about getting married? Can you really make it work with one person (who may or may not be your soul mate, because, let's face it, a lot of people do settle) for a very large chunk of your life? (Think about it, you get married at 25, live til your 80...is being single so terrible?) Don't get me wrong, I am not a hater of marriage, I'm just trying to make sense of it all. Like most American females, I do still hope to find "the one." But with this new take on things, I think that it's important to really look around and take everything in. No one person can ever make you truly happy. You alone are the person who controls your emotions. Live and learn and make yourself whole. Then, maybe, when you get to that spot, allow someone to share in your already marvelous life.